That Sinking In Feeling

by Liz Jansen

sinking-inWhen I first conceived the notion of writing Women, Motorcycles and the Road to Empowerment in August, 2008, I was energized. It brought together everything I’d done up to that point, and I was excited by what I saw as being able to inspire others through stories from other women riders. Then the reality, and enormity of what I’d accepted as an assignment hit me, but by then I was committed.

I’m feeling much the same about traveling to South America later this year. I know with absolute certainty that it’s what I’m supposed to do, and so I agreed to do it. I’ve learned there’s no point in resisting that inner voice. It only gets louder.

Now the practical reality of what I’m doing is beginning to sink in. It hadn’t occurred to me that it might mean giving up the home I love. There’s a chance I may be able to sublet it, but without knowing when I’ll be back, it makes that idea challenging. Perhaps I’ve become too attached to it and it’s a lesson in letting go. On the other hand, a For Sale – For Development sign just went up on the 89-acre property next door. It makes the leaving easier.

It doesn’t make any sense to keep my car. It’s 10 years old and after sitting idle for up to a year, maybe more, it would be a seized up rust bucket.

For years I’ve been preparing to be able to do my work from anywhere. I never foresaw it coming to this though. On the one hand it’s unsettling. On the other, it’s liberating. In any case, it feels strange to be facing my 60th birthday and divesting myself of what seems like some semblance of security.

Often when I’m come back from travels, I’ve wondered why I live where I do. I could live anywhere, really. The best answer I can find is that I love my home in the cedars here, the community, and the countryside. Where am I going to end up? What will I come back to?

As always when these thoughts pop into my head, I take a step back and check in with my inner guide. I imagine what it would feel like to stay back, and know immediately that it’s not the right thing for me right now. The right thing is to go, even if I don’t know the outcome.

Then I think back to the story told to me recently by my uncle, about my refugee grandparents, steaming to Canada on the SS Minnedosa after years of horrors and loss. Gazing out to the horizon from his deck chair, my grandfather wrote, “I’m going to a strange country, with strange people, and a strange language. What does God possibly have in store for me?” Read: A Gift from the Past and a Lesson on Fear. Those words have come back to me with impeccable timing.

I’m off to research my third book, which I’ll write about in another post. I’m looking forward to traveling to new places, people and perspectives. I’ve started taking Spanish lessons. Hola! And I know that wherever my Road is leading me, it’s right for me. What’s there to fear?

 

 

 

Posted in Expedition, Preparation Tagged with: , ,
10 comments on “That Sinking In Feeling
  1. Liz,
    You are an inspiration! Think about this journey through life you are on – and while it may be unconventional for some ~ I say it fits you perfectly! Where some may find fear and walk away – you find that fear and embrace it!
    It sounds like you are assessing it from all angles and that is possibly where a little hesitation comes in – which is just wise.
    I say this… Take It In – deep breath – this path has chosen you and you are answering because of your adventurous spirit. You are part of a unique group – you’re a 60 year old adventure motorcyclist entrepreneur. I admire you and I feel blessed to have met such an amazing women.
    I wish you the best – *please be safe and stay connected*

    Some of my greatest feelings in life have come after facing my fear – hearing it in my ear and then dealing with it because I wanted to taste that mini-victory for me…

    Nancy Sabater

    • lizjansen says:

      Nancy – Thanks for your inspirational words. I really don’t know what I’m walking/riding into, but then, do any of us? We just think we do. I intend to give fear a run for its money, without forsaking wisdom, and without overthinking – as you point out.

      I know you speak from your own experience and it’s my honor to have met you. I’m glad our paths crossed.

      Thank you again.

      Liz

      PS. I’m not 60 yet! 🙂

  2. Penny says:

    Excellent post Liz. I can relate, and I too feel that inner voice to just let go, and GO, knowing it’s the right thing to do. Interesting how our paths mimic each others! Sending you positive, supportive vibes! Penny

    PS – I’ll be 60 this year too!

    • lizjansen says:

      It is! And interesting how they came together. Am very grateful that they did. My spirit knows it’s OK to let go and GO, so why do I try and resist?? Reflecting those positive, supportive vibes right back at you!
      I thought I was further ahead on the curve! We’ll have to celebrate together, somewhere on the road.
      Liz

  3. steve says:

    I enjoy your writtings. Sounds like a great adventure of opportunity. I’m just trying to get the nerve to move to AZ and start life over and find work and such at 57 yrs.

    • lizjansen says:

      Thanks Steve. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s not to argue with my intuition. If you’re heart is guiding you to AZ, then put a plan in place to go, one step at a time. It’s really not starting over, it’s all part of the same life journey. It’s often not easy, but then if we had all the answers, we wouldn’t be here. 🙂 Good luck with your move Steve.

      Liz

  4. curvyroads says:

    Liz, I am on a path to quitting my day job to semi-retire, travel and write about it, but have about 2 years to go time. I am right with you, your intuition knows what you need to do, just let go and follow your heart! Looking forward to hearing about your travels in South America! Cheers, Lynne

  5. Mary McGee says:

    Liz, I understand the anxiety you are feeling and how much easier it would be to just stay in your comfort zone, however, this is just not you at this point in your life. Breath deeply and embrace your traveling plans. The future will work itself out for you. XOX

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